One Step Up And Two Steps Back

Not too much new to report from here. We continue to struggle with attachment issues. Audrey clings to Lori for dear life and will barely have anything to do with me. I would recommend that anyone following our blog in preparation for their trip to China pack a good book on attachment issues and be prepared for the worst. I wish we had something to guide us, and I wish I had known better about the raw side of this process. I know in the long run that things will be fine and that we are taking her to a better life, but it doesn't make the short term any easier. Even though we have struggled a bit in the past couple of days, it was nothing like day 1. Hopefully all of you will be better prepared than I was for the rejection that you might be on the receiving end of. Thanks to everyone for writing us through the blog, every day we look forward to news from home.

Yesterday we visited the pearl market. As you can see from the picture, Lori picked out a nice strand of pink pearls. It was incredible to watch these girls string and double-knot the pearls, you can't believe how fast they do it. I know that they get lots of practice, but it boggles the mind to see their speed and the fact that they never appear to make a mistake. The prices are not nearly as good as some people have told us, but still much cheaper than in the U.S. (another side note to those preparing to come here: guys, there is very little here for you, it is all gemstones and silk for the ladies, but they seem to love it!). 

It has rained for the past two days and looks to rain for at least two more, so outdoor activities have been difficult. Today we went to a huge park here in Guangzhou, and we received our first scolding from an old Chinese woman. I am not sure what did not meet her approval, but she was letting us have it about something to do with the baby! I am thinking about looking for a job with a foreign company, because the one thing I learned from that experience is that is it much easier to take an ass-chewing when you don't know what they are saying to you.

Tomorrow we are going to a nearby city called Foshan which is supposed to be a very scenic place in the mountains. Hopefully we will get some respite from the rain so that we can enjoy our time there.

Hope all is well at home, and we look forward to seeing everyone in a few more days. 

And Now A Word From Lori

Since this is the first night that Lori has been able to put the baby to bed without her, I thought it was time that she post her thoughts about the trip:

Hello everyone, I know you are dying to hear from me.  Well needless to say I have had this little spider monkey literally attached to me at the hip.  That is all better now!  The other mothers and I call it the Velcro Baby Diet--we are all losing weight carrying this extra 20 lbs and skipping our own meals to some extent.  

I do have to say that I like her a lot!  She is precious and full of personality--one that we see a little more of each day.  I have had the good fortune to see up close a lot of her firsts--her first kiss!, two sign language words (more--which she uses a lot) and all done, and finally her first sleep through the night-at least for us.  I truly think she is crazy about Brad--she is just keeping it to herself right now.  But we all know your first love is your Mom--everything else comes along soon after.  

China is great.  You feel very close with the country and the people--not just because you have a child from here and  because we are learning so much about the culture, but because of the Chinese people's sense of personal space.  There isn't much.  Everyone likes to come very close to me and to Brad and Audrey.  They want to touch and hold your baby and do not feel it is odd to try to do so.  Mainly they are curious as to why white people have a Chinese child.  You would think it was a common site, but in a country of 1.3 billion--few really see so many children adopted out to others.  The one child policy is just a fact of life and no one seems to resent it or feel marginalized by it in the least.  There are a few ways that a person can qualify for two kids--be in a minority race (90% of the country is Han--the rest something else), be a government employee or have a very dangerous job, some countryside families who have dangerous jobs and a few other reasons.  Most do not qualify and the fines are unbearable, so abandonment is the only alternative to the punishment for two.  I can't believe someone would leave this sweet little girl or the many, many others I have seen in our hotel.  There are a few boys too, they are all considered special needs however.  

One truly amazing sight was at the City Office a few days ago--there was a family from Spain and they were adopting 3--triplets!  They said it is truly rare and the girls were about a year old and perfect.  Can you imagine someday 3 little Spanish speaking Chinese girls--life is so amazing.

Well I will sign off for now. One rule for sure--when baby rests, momma rests.  

Traditional Chinese Medicine

Today we visited the area of Guangzhou where the people buy products to make traditional medicines. It is incredible to see the vast amounts of mushrooms, fungi, starfish, seahorses, and other items that are either ground up to drink in tea or cooked directly into the food to cure illness or guarantee health. The above photo on the right is of two women searching through large tubs of live scorpions and picking out the ones that they want to buy. (I'm not sure how you determine a good scorpion from a bad one. I didn't see them thumping their bellies or feeling for mushy spots, but apparently there is a difference). Some of the shop owners were very adamant about not having pictures taken of them or their shops, and when I asked our guide why this was, she told me that many of them fear that we could be undercover journalists who will use these photos to try and shut them down. While I am saddened to see the giant sacks of starfish when I know that they are declining in our oceans I would never try and force them to shut down because they would still secretly use these items. If we disagree with what they are doing, we should educate them as to why it is bad for the earth and show them that there are other things that can make them well. 

Today Audrey started trying to feed herself with a spoon for the first time. She certainly grasps the idea, but we haven't found any food items yet that will stick to the spoon long enough for her to find her mouth with it. It won't be long once we get home that she will be shoveling down apple sauce for herself. She has yet to reject anything that we have tried to feed her, and apparently both of her legs are hollow because she will eat and eat and eat until the food is either all gone or we think she is going to burst and make her stop. She is not much bigger than a banana, but she can eat an entire one at breakfast along with a box of yogurt, a bowl of congee, scrambled eggs, and whatever else we hand to her. It is no wonder that she has the Buddha-like figure of her Baba. She is a very good baby, happy most of the time and easy to entertain, even in a busy public restaurant. Hopefully this will not change once we get to the USA. 

The Wonders of Modern China

It is an interesting time to be here. For the first time since probably the Tiananmen Square demonstrations in the late 80's, some of the people here are voicing their displeasure with the Chinese government. In the run-up to the Beijing olympics they know that the eyes of the world are on them and they are seizing the opportunity to try and bring about change. In the hotel we have CNN International and BBC International and when they do a story about the demonstrations the screen will go black until the story is over. I have mixed emotions about what the results of these protests will be. On the one hand they are getting their message out to the world, but on the other hand this is a culture based on pride, or as they call it face. Maybe the country will change policy, but most likely they will not. When this happens there will be great outcry for countries to boycott the Olympics like the U.S. did against the Soviet Union. I think this will be a huge mistake. The people here, for good and bad have great pride in their country and this will bring great shame to them. It will also minimize the inflow of monies that will be spread around to everyone by the visiting athletes and spectators. Most of the common people on the street that I have talked to empathize with the protestors, but know that there is little they can do to bring about change. They still have to worry about making what money they can to put food on the table of their family. Boycotts will hurt the pride of the government, but it will directly hurt the people. It is like what we have all heard about the economic sanctions against Saddam Hussein's Iraq and Castro's Cuba, the powerful still have everything that they want while the general population does without. Still it is interesting to see the integrity of the Tibetans. They refuse to fight back even while they are being mistreated, to do so would violate the tenets of what they believe. Even though Jesus taught us to turn the other cheek, most of us would not go down without a fight and never think twice about it.

Mao Tse-Tung is also an interesting figure. His presence still looms large in modern China, not just because of his policies like the one-child rule, but because he is revered like Washington or Lincoln is in the United States. In talking to the people I have befriended here I see that they have something of a love-hate relationship with "Mr. Mao" as they call him. I truly believe that if he was still here to run for president today, he would win in a land-slide. I, like almost everyone else, see the news stories about a dictator being "democratically" elected and think that it is set up to give the appearance of democracy while still being a dictatorship, but the people here still adore him even though they may not agree with some of his policies. 

I am discovering that the Chinese are a wonderful and complex people. I still feel some icy stares, but the majority of people are very warm (more so than many Americans) and they have an amazing way of enjoying their simple and very hard lives. Everywhere you go you see people in the streets enjoying each other's company, exercising on public equipment, doing Tai-chi in open areas (the picture above), and going about the business of day-to-day life. Since we are close to the U.S. and Polish Embassies we do see the soldiers standing guard, but there is a beautiful dignity even in this. I can't help but be impressed to see them in their pressed green uniforms and military hats, and even they will give a small nod/bow when I do the same to them. It just goes to show you that no matter where they are from, or what their religious and political backgrounds are, when it comes right down to it people are people.

Audrey continues to take baby-steps towards becoming a full fledged member of the family. Every day she laughs a little more, and shows us new elements of her personality. She even came to Baba for the briefest of moments today! I have started to call her the Oreck vacuum cleaner because she eats anything and everything that we put in front of her. I have no idea where in that tiny body she can pack away as much as she can put in it.

Initially we were extremely angry about being forced to stay here for almost 3 weeks, but while it is still a hardship because of missing work and the added expense of food and lodging for those extra days, it probably is for the best because it gives her more time to bond with us before that long trip home. It won't be long before we will get to see you all in person.

Now that she is settling in more, hopefully we will be able to post updates and pictures on a more regular basis. 

I Have Never Worked This Hard to Impress a Girl in All My Life!

These have been hands down the hardest 3 days of my life. To have these grand visions of sweeping in and taking this baby away from an orphanage life to one of love and comparatively speaking, privilege, then have her struggle through the process is heart-wrenching. But every day she has blossomed just a little bit more, and now she seems to be coming to terms with the idea of being a member of our family. She has started feeding herself a little and can walk entirely by herself! If you ask her where her Mama she will either look at or point to Lori, and she even acknowledges who her Baba(Chinese for Daddy) is by pointing to me. Today for the first time she reached out and took my hand without prompting, and even reached to touch my beard. She still turns her head if I try and kiss her, but I will take what I can get.

Today we visited the Baiyun Garden. It is very beautiful, but I think the Chinese feel like they need to be more like the west, so they have decorated this wonderful place with all sorts of tacky cartoon character figures. It is sad that this is our influence on the world. Lots of Chinese people fawn over Audrey and the other babies in our group, but there is also a large number of people who look at you like "who the hell do you think you are to come here and take our babies away?" I think this is more shame at their fellow people than resentment towards us, but it doesn't make it any less painful to witness. The people who do show kindness more than make up for the others though, I have to make sure and have my sunglasses on when I see them coming because every time it makes me cry. Usually it is either the elderly or the younger generations who react this way to us. I expect as much from the young people who have been raised to want to be like the U.S., but it is the older ones that always touch my heart, because they were raised to either hate us, or at the very least, distrust us. To see the kindness in their eyes is really amazing, we might not be able to talk to them, but a smile is a smile in every language.

By the way, someone already likes Twizzlers like her Mama!

We're finally in China!!

We got here at about 3:30 this afternoon (Monday the 24th). It went pretty much like clockwork, they take you into a big government building with a bunch of other families and call the babies' names one at a time and you go up and they pass her off to you. She loved Lori right away, but can barely stand to look at me. If she sees me looking at her she either looks away immediately or breaks out crying or both. Our friends Tony and Margaret Brooks are here with us with their little girl Allie who they adopted from China 2 years ago, and she will laugh a little and smile at Allie. She has taken to a tiny finger puppet of a turtle that we brought with us, she seems to be comforted by holding it against her nose. She seems very healthy, but is much smaller than we expected, but we will get a better health picture after her mandatory doctors appointment later this week. Tonight she is basically just spending the night with us, and tomorrow we will go sign the papers that will make her officially our daughter (that is if she decides that she likes me). Here are a couple of photos from "gotcha day" with more to follow.

We're going to China!

After much wailing and gnashing of teeth (ask us what we think about Great Wall Adoption Agency), we are finally set for our trip to China.

We depart OKC at 7:45 a.m. on Saturday March 22nd, and arrive in Guangzhou Sunday the 23rd at 10:40 p.m.

Gotcha Day is Monday March 24th around 3:30 p.m.

Coming home we depart Guangzhou at 8:05 a.m. on April 9th, and get home 10:10 p.m., also on the 9th.

Due to scheduling conflicts, a lack of help from the agency, and the fact that they were trying to make us stay in country for 3 full weeks as opposed to the 2 weeks we have been assured for the past 3 years, we will not get to visit Beijing and see the Great Wall, Tiananmen Square, the Beijing Pandas, and all of the other sights we were excited to see. We are still excited to finally meet Audrey and get to bring her home, and we can't wait for all of you to meet her also as soon as she gets home.

We hope that you will follow along on our trip via this blog. We will post as much video, and as many photos as we can while there. Some people have reported problems with the web while in China, but since we will be in a major city the entire duration of our trip this hopefully won't be an issue for us.