Not too much new to report from here. We continue to struggle with attachment issues. Audrey clings to Lori for dear life and will barely have anything to do with me. I would recommend that anyone following our blog in preparation for their trip to China pack a good book on attachment issues and be prepared for the worst. I wish we had something to guide us, and I wish I had known better about the raw side of this process. I know in the long run that things will be fine and that we are taking her to a better life, but it doesn't make the short term any easier. Even though we have struggled a bit in the past couple of days, it was nothing like day 1. Hopefully all of you will be better prepared than I was for the rejection that you might be on the receiving end of. Thanks to everyone for writing us through the blog, every day we look forward to news from home.
Yesterday we visited the pearl market. As you can see from the picture, Lori picked out a nice strand of pink pearls. It was incredible to watch these girls string and double-knot the pearls, you can't believe how fast they do it. I know that they get lots of practice, but it boggles the mind to see their speed and the fact that they never appear to make a mistake. The prices are not nearly as good as some people have told us, but still much cheaper than in the U.S. (another side note to those preparing to come here: guys, there is very little here for you, it is all gemstones and silk for the ladies, but they seem to love it!).
It has rained for the past two days and looks to rain for at least two more, so outdoor activities have been difficult. Today we went to a huge park here in Guangzhou, and we received our first scolding from an old Chinese woman. I am not sure what did not meet her approval, but she was letting us have it about something to do with the baby! I am thinking about looking for a job with a foreign company, because the one thing I learned from that experience is that is it much easier to take an ass-chewing when you don't know what they are saying to you.
Tomorrow we are going to a nearby city called Foshan which is supposed to be a very scenic place in the mountains. Hopefully we will get some respite from the rain so that we can enjoy our time there.
Hope all is well at home, and we look forward to seeing everyone in a few more days.
14 comments:
We're in Nanchang right now working through the whole attachment stuff. Hang in there, and don't give yourself too much of an ass-chewing over it. Simple truth, it's just a tough go, and as much as I've read on it I'm just as confused as when I started. Just love her and don't take it personal. Also, thanks for the heads up on shopping and boredom in Guangzhou. Blessings upon you.
Brad! Its totally normal, especially for her age, but I know that doesn't make it any easier to hear. Play with her and have fun and don't worry too much...it's only been a few days. Can't wait to see you three home together! : ) Hakunah Matatta, my friend!
Crystal
Be sure and call me when you get home and I can get you in touch with help. I would be asking questions of the orphanage about how much contact she was having, particularly with males. She seems to have taken to Lori. If she is responsive to Lori and allows Lori to comfort her, it's likely a "male" thing rather than Reactive Attachment Disorder. There are lots of good books out there and I would consider an evaluation by Dr. Ken Hadley at SoonerStart when you get home. This transition will take awhile so be patient. Audrey's world is about to change dramatically for the "better," but she doesn't know that yet. All she knows is that her life has been totally disrupted. Hang in there!
I will call you, but you are posting as anonymous so I don't know who you are.
Paige maybe?
Harris,
Guangzhou itself is very pretty and nice, with excellent food. Just not much shopping for the fellas.
Be sure and go to Susan's place around the corner from the White Swan. The owners Dong and Susan are really nice people and will help you with whatever you need.
I'm not sure why it came up anonymous...it's your cuz, Judy.
Brad, Lori & Audrey,
We are continually in prayer for you and the process you going through. I remember when Taylor was very little, she would only speak to Doug and called him by his first name. I don't think she was quite 2 yet, any way it lasted for a few weeks, no matter what don't take anything personally. Audrey doesn't fully know you yet. Just wait, soon you will be the center of her life as she is already the center of yours. Hang tough, the tough times don't last, tough people do. We wait with open arms and hearts for your return home. Lots of love aunt lisa
The bunny ears are precious :)
My roomates and friends ask me everyday if yall have posted new pictures, the twizzler face has been my wallpaper since it's been up. I love her face, such a sassy look, I can't wait till she is actually here and I can dress her up.
I wen't to my highschool board office today to just say hey to my old boss and secretary and they all asked about Audrey, she is a popular little girl down here :D
Love to all- Big Cousin TADuncan
Copelands! We have been following the blog for several weeks and are so excited that Audrey is finally in your care. As the parents of a 17-month-old, the preferred-attachment thing just happens. It really sucks when they seem to like one parent over the other, but all will be well soon. We look forward to meeting Audrey and having a playdate! Safe travels!
-Sean, Leslie, Cate and Peri Mossman
Brad & Lori,
I know the attachment issue is a challenge right now....but I know it will get better soon......as you know my daughter Brynnon is not biologicaly mine.....I came into her life when she was 4...at 28 I had 0 experince on how to be a Daddy....and she does have a biological Dad but had limited relationship as she and her Mom had moved from Washington to Oklahoma....so she had limited interaction with a male role model
until I came along(kinda scary huh?).....
I am blessed that our relationship grew quickly....and indeed a few challenges along the way.....although her Mom and I have not been together for several years our relationship is stronger than ever.....and at 21 she still call's me her Dad....having said all of that I know the same will happen for you very soon.....and as always I am here for ya for insight.....
Peace
Jeff
Brad,
Hang in there--Audrey has "Daddy's Girl" written all over her face. Attachment issues happen at all ages and with boys and girls. When I married Nick, Laurel was 10, and I had these grand ideas that we would do all kinds of fun stuff together. She did not want anything to do with me and made it clear that she preferred her dad over me. The first time we went to Target without her dad, it was such a triumph! Of course, all I heard for a couple of years was "When is Dad coming home" or "Where is Dad?" It was so hard that she didn't ask about me when I was away--now that's all changed. When she has a choice to do something with dad or me, it's "I"m going with you." When Audrey begins talking, she'll call for both dad and mom. I promise! give her time!
Is it too late to send a request for the pearl market?
brad,
your kind eyes, your warm smile,patience, persistance, and consistancy will all very soon lead her heart to yours. You have one of the biggest hearts for children that I have ever know, she'll figure that all out very soon. One thing Kyle always says to me is that he is on my side and Audrey will know the same of you. We are praying for you all through this. We love you!
Paula
I was the MOM that my baby hated while in China! So, Brad, I know exactly what you are feeling. What worked best for us, is that David made me feed her. We started off where I would feed her the good stuff like M&Ms ( no one yell at me, we were desperate!) From then on, I fed her everything. She fussed in the beginning because she wanted David, but she wouldn't turn down food - so that was a start. It's tough, I know - and nothing can prepare you for the rejection. FYI - once you get home, everything will change. Haley won't let go of me now! Hang in there! Debra and David
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